i love this song!...what are they saying?

recently, my friend ryan roped me into creating a k-pop music video cover for the song "blue" by bigbang. i, along with other members of his friend group, have entered this contest in the hopes of winning a trip to korea and meeting the members of bigbang. i found this to be a marvelous opportunity at forging stronger friendships with seniors whom i hadn't known too well prior to embarking on this creative escapade. i'm thankful to have created new friendships with melody, gordon, tyler, cuyler, max, and joey. moreover, i couldn't be more grateful to ryan for asking for me to be involved in this project for i admire his perfectionism and sharp attention to detail. i believe ryan to be extremely thoughtful for including me in this project; the prizes are extremely valuable, but i value my friendship with ryan a lot more than the prizes we may or may not reap. (let's hope we win, nonetheless.)

does the learning company still exist? i wonder.

my sister, olivia, is alive and quite well. everyone in the family wants to know where she is and what she's been up to. luckily, i'm an avid follower of her travel blog and have been living my life vicariously through her posts and photos. i'm so glad (jealous) that she's able to experience the many facets to european culture in a seemingly short amount of time. this gets me excited for my college experience and i hope to travel abroad to a place that will provide me with great inspiration.

my other sister, michelle, will be leaving to europe soon on a trip with this fellow she's become well-acquainted with. i am very happy for her, and wish her the best in all regards. she works extremely hard and definitely deserves a break from real life. i hear she's staying in a penthouse suite during one of her three stops in europe—i believe she's going to paris, barcelona, and italy. i'm not too sure, nor do i think i will clarify this later.

i'm very much confused in my life right now. i can't even explain the root of my confusion without putting others' feelings at potential harm; hence, i will just thank one of my best friends, kamden, for exhibiting enough emotional intelligence to provide me the advice i need to continue living my life. we're going to have an amazing summer, working together as the english teaching aides.

mr. lippert was very lenient in allowing me to play in the orchestra for "into the woods". i'm very happy for many of the people performing in it but unfortunately, i will not be able to see the show as i will be concealed by the underground orchestra pit, formulaically placed beneath the stage. the music department contains some extremely caring individuals including my band director. i was saddened by the news that he would not be joining us for the 2012-2013 school year; however, i wish him the best of luck in his endeavors. without him pushing me to achieve above and beyond through music, i would not have taken the opportunity to display my musicianship through this musical. i would like to thank both mr. lippert and mr. sivill.

last, but most certainly not least, i'd like to thank my best friend ariel. her family is graciously allowing me to accompany them on their trip to seattle during spring break. i'll be missing school on friday which is a definite upside to my week. ariel helped me purchase some great rain shoes, and has honestly done a lot for me as a friend. i'm so excited for what seattle has in store for the both of us, but i'm also thankful for this opportunity to solidify and strengthen our friendship. i'm not saying there's anything wrong with the current state of our friendship, but i'd definitely like to hang out with ariel more than i have time to.

and i will be doing just that in the near future. i'll keep you posted through some form of travel documentation.

we're gonna work again!

it has been quite awhile since my last post, and i apologize; although there's not much of an audience to apologize to, i am still thankful that there is at least one person who appreciates what i have to say. who knows? maybe no one appreciates this blog, nor what i have to say. screw it, this is for me to keep.

so, here's a recap of many scattered things that i would like to acknowledge:

i'm so grateful for the job i was offered this summer. i applied for the academy english teacher's aide position (same job as last summer) and was recently notified of my acceptance. i'm not absolutely sure if i'm the english ta, but i will continue to believe so until proven incorrect. moreover, i'm thankful for the opportunity to work with one of my greatest friends, kamden. i'm excited to grow as a writer through working with him and his absolutely brilliant mind.

kamden also introduced me to tune-yards...well not really. but i downloaded their second album, w h o k i l l, after listen to him sing "my country." on a side-note, kamden's impersonation of merrill garbus is spot on. i believe in a past-life he existed as a loud voiced, howling woman (if you're reading this, i just mentioned you twice. happy?)

today, i bought a new pair of headphones, which were pretty inexpensive considering how good they are. radioshack has me on their system so if i ever break them, i can get a replacement! the headphones pretty much cut out all noise from the outside world, so when i hate everyone, i can simply put on my headphones and not even listen to music. i can simply listen to the pulses of my temporal lobes.

and finally, junior function was so wonderful and better than last year. i'm not saying that my function experience from last year was unenjoyable, because it was definitely the opposite - i'm very much obliged to katie for taking me; however, i feel because it was me and grace's function to plan, i was allowed more creativity. we dressed up as the asian version of barbie & ken (our official pictures are soon to come, but for now i will post this one.)

life in plastic, it's fantastic!

grace was such a wonderful date and i was definitely privileged to attend function with such a charismatic friend. i really admire how she was so enthusiastic about our theme throughout the night. it's very refreshing to have a friend who doesn't want to grind on the dancefloor; rather, we danced like fools and a great time was had by all...even when my pants ripped...thanks also to maya who spent nearly 35 minutes in that awful bathroom stall with me as we attempted sewing my pants together. function was a night to remember (despite how many times that cliché is used.)

thank you grace - forever the barbara to my kenneth.

girl scouts make the world go round.

today i am thankful for:

• those three hours of break i had to study for japanese/complete most of my backed up work for english.
• all that great new music i downloaded: islands, frankie rose, grimes, sleigh bells, ital tek; i'm elated.
• 311 and iration - i don't like reggae, but their music has some odd, relaxing effect on my mind.
• amy, because she gave me the rest of her lemon girl scout cookies after seeing how tired and starved i was. i really ought to do something wonderful for her, considering how great she is to me.

that's all. today was just a [b-] kind of day.

the eiffel tower is a landmark, now it's a landshark.

the existence of this video has made my day quite worthwhile.

to be honest, today was kind of shitty; although there were insane amounts of activities that could've brightened my day, i allowed myself to slump into this state of negativity. here's my attempt to bring myself up again.

in cooking club, we watched 'she's the man'. happiness is self-explanatory.

jazz today was incredibly productive. we choreographed the first sequence in our dance for pau hana, and it looks extremely creative. i'm pleased with the parts i was given to dance, and i can only hope the choreography will continue unraveling as smoothly as it did today.

my mom bought me cpk for dinner because i was having a craving for pasta (after seeing amy's tumblr photo of linguini, i just really needed some!) my mom just has this way of knowing when i want to eat takeout. luckily, i was able to get an iced passion tea lemonade from starbucks to enjoy with my dinner.

emma videochatted me about deteriorating friendships. it was extremely enlightening, and i'm so happy we've always remained close. i'm not one for being inebriated or partying of any sort. i guess through making it known to my friends, they assume i'll pass judgment on them; however, i don't dictate decision-making towards any of my friends. i love and support them for who they are, not for what they choose to do with their lives. emma just shared with me some of her similar values, which was pretty comforting to hear at a time where i feel apprehensive about many of my friendships. it made me realize how thankful i am to hold such a strong sense of awareness and willpower.

i don't claim to be greater than anyone else, i'm just proud of who i've grown into is all.

that's me in the spotlight, finding my religion.

last night, my parents both went to church for its 5:30 mass, leaving michelle and i to attend mass by ourselves. we made the conscious decision to tryout 'new hope', a church service close to our home. i was extremely touched by the sense of community provided by this alternative form of sunday service. it was obviously a christian church, but they did more to relate the word of god to my generation than my old, roman-catholic church ever did within the sixteen years i had attended their services. i'm thankful for the existence of churches whom advocate messages of acceptance (not anti-homosexuality, anti-birth control, etc). moreover, i'm thankful for the opportunity provided for me to replenish my relationship with god, something i had grown skeptical over for reasons i'd rather not specify.

(can't reveal too much about what this means.)

grace and i went to the mall to purchase our function outfits. i'm so fortunate to be attending function with such a charismatic, artistic, quirky being. and i'm thankful for her helpfulness in providing me with feedback on the outfits we chose. i'm also grateful that all the stresses of outfit picking have now been relieved.

finally, i'd like to wish my older sister, olivia, a wonderful 21st birthday. i hope the world works in her favor because she truly deserves reimbursement for all the good she continues to spread within each community she graces.

이바보,^^

small little things i would also like to acknowledge:

• beach fossil's self-titled album, particularly the song "wide awake"; i really enjoy lazy, beachy, shoegazey music. on another note: beachy and shoegazey aren't actually words! go figure...
• 107.5 played "nobody" by wonder girls. they don't always play the greatest k-pop, nor do i have a vast knowledge of k-pop bands, but when i hear songs by the ones i know, i gain this sense of accomplishment. i can't explain it, but it makes me feel really cool.
• spotify, for allowing me the ability to stalk random people's music interests. mostly emily's. i don't even use spotify.
• gabby, that girl with the tutu, and that cashier at american apparel who seriously helped grace and i coordinate our outfits. i appreciate that cashier boy taught me how to use a hair-bow as a bow-tie. it's not very complicated, and this makes me very much excited for function this saturday.
• holy shit, function is this saturday.

camp recap, and bottles.

this was actually posted on saturday, but continued on into the wee hours of sunday morning.

i realize it's been quite awhile since my last post, and i knew it was inevitable in that i wouldn't be able to post every day—(i lose motivation to do simple tasks quite often). i've decided to no longer number the posts, for who knows when i'll post next; this way i'll manage to create a sexy, air of mystery about myself. i'll probably tend to go more in-depth with my posts from now on; this is similarly debatable, considering i'm very inconsistent and unpredictable when it comes to blog keeping.

here we go.

recently i went to academy camp, and although i'm not necessarily allowed to talk about the processes that accompany its magic, i will say that the timing was impeccable. after [x] broke up with me, i was left on a pretty extreme mood rollercoaster of sorts—after planning carnival, i was met with one of the worst breakups i've ever endured. i'm thankful for camp, alleviating me of this stress; but, i'm more thankful for the friendships i was able to forge:

julia was probably one of my greatest sources of strength. as we climbed the "giant's ladder", i realized i was actually afraid of heights; alarming, considering i'm all for adventurous activities. i'm thankful for the courage she bestowed upon me to complete the climb, and i'm also thankful for her friendship. she's someone who really knows how to make others feel welcome and comfortable and i felt so candid and alive in her presence.

tani wasn't someone i thought i'd get so close to, but i found myself seeking refuge in her embraces, and reassuring smiles. i honestly don't know what it was, but we instantly created this unbreakable bond, and i'm so grateful for her compassionate, carefree nature.

ryan and ethan were a great surprise to me. i never thought myself to have made split judgments about people—i suppose i drew judgments through my (now, ex-)relationship with [x]. both ryan and ethan had some insightful, inspirational stories to share, and i'm thankful for camp's loving environment that allowed us to create the friendship we currently share.

i also should mention the rest of the people in my camp group, whom i'm equally appreciative of (yet have no energy to write about currently): mama cody, papa grace, tag, trev/jud0b0ii808, (jimmy)falon, ishii-senpai, nicky, mi$helle. i love you all so dearly! *slurp-slurp-slurp*

team a: the awesome, amazing, acidic, anacondas

i'd like to thank camp, for giving me the "courage to grow"—(...oh god, i can't believe i said that). i suppose i like to be perceived as someone who is extremely self-aware, and as much as i've already matured, i'm never opposed to more challenges of self-discovery. camp was the first time i've cried in awhile; i've been bottling up emotions for the sake of preserving my sanity, something that's done a lot more harm than good. i'm thankful for camp allowing me to feel again.

alright, enough about camp.

more reasons to be thankful:

• tap dance - caryn allows me much freedom as a student choreographer, and i feel she's entrusted me with incredible responsibility. although, she is my teacher and i am her student, i'm honored to call her one of my friends. tap today was possibly the greatest stress relief i've felt since camp; i had holoku practice prior to tap and it's not an activity i enjoy, to be frank. the aunties are rude, and don't respect any other form of dance besides hula; tap company, and all of its members, provided me with a larger sense of artistic license, and i'm thankful to have them as an outlet for my choreographic ideas.
• kelley and emma slept over last night. i'm thankful for friends who are capable of having fun without smoking incredulous amounts of weed or consuming alcohol. we played video games and ate pizza, something quite normal; yet, i wouldn't be as grounded without my clean, sober fun.
• dr. herzer's letting me run for president despite my absence for both of the mandatory meetings. i talked with him, and he was nothing but courteous to me. i'm grateful for the opportunity to create significant change within my graduating class and even if i don't win, then i'll consider applying to be a graduation co-chair.
• victoria asked me to her prom! and i left my phone at the dance pavilion out of excitement! but it's alright because ahnya found it and it is currently in safekeeping.
• i was asked to perform slam poetry with sterling and serena at a banquet for 'olelo volunteers. i don't know why i was chosen—of all people involved in the youth slam scene—but i was humbled by the opportunity to share my internalized thoughts amongst a group of complete strangers. also, i hung out with serena and sterling afterwards. we walked to ala moana and played a game of charades with a bottle...i'm not sure how to explain it, so i won't. i'll save that moment for my own, personal amusement.
• finally, i'm thankful i saw austin at the bookstore. i didn't realize how much i had ignored him for the majority of high school (for reasons i can't actually specify). it seems a bit late to pick up our friendship as he is nearing graduation; however, i was warmed to know that he had never forgotten about me. it was a pretty heartfelt discussion we had although we were simply browsing through japanese comics, and romance novels. i am thankful for the opportunity to rekindle a friendship i had never wanted to relinquish.

everything is how it should be. my sister is twenty-one right now, and alive. and i'm so thankful for that. my life—even when muddled with seemingly unfortunate events—is exactly how i want it to be. and i cannot wait to see what happens as this year continues unraveling.

day five.

today i am thankful for:

• only having kanji-nooto for homework tonight, even though i don't actually have to do it considering camp's in two days!
• thora allowing me to take pictures of her—i was very much impressed but not completely surprised because she's already so beautiful; also, i'm so appreciative of everything she does to keep a smile on my face.
• not having much school today, because it was f-day, hence, i only had four classes.
• ariel taking me off campus to get starbucks, sometimes it's extremely necessary.
• the fact that life is definitely improving; i can only hope it will continue doing so.

i think i'll eventually evolve past bullet points. not today.